My Story

After his continuous pursuit, I later married my high school prom date (12/25/1995). We had a beautiful daughter and the love story was off and running. I was young, ambitious, determined, and focused on building a career. Our early years appeared to be marital bliss, but I’d now say that was me being naïve. I had it made, his mother raised him to be a provider, taught him to cook, and clean. When I met him, I was working two jobs, not because I had to, but I was the middle child of five. My taste was more than my mother could afford. I wanted better than what Zayre and Kmart had to offer at the time, so my mother allowed me to work through an OJT (on-the-job) program offered through my school. That allowed me to buy what I liked– Bandalinos, Nike, etc. My husband gave me the privilege to stay home. I tried it for a while but got bored so went to cosmetology school and obtained my license. I went back to work and would quit anytime I didn’t like it, or someone irritated me because now I didn’t have to…but everything comes with a price.

That price was my husband was always away “working.” I didn’t pay much attention at the time because I was able to stay home and still had the ability to buy what I wanted. To some that would be the dream, but my love language was quality time. His working started to drive a wedge. I turned inwardly and didn’t communicate my feelings or needs. I went back to work then school and often times we were “passing in the night.” I ignored my feelings, the signs, and anything that would appear to bring conflict. At this point, I knew he was cheating, but I had no evidence. I made a dumb decision to have an affair because he was doing it. That didn’t solve the problem. I later learned I wasn’t sinning against my husband; I was sinning against God. That revelation devastated me. It may seem like common sense to some, but it wasn’t to me. I was a babe in Christ. I loved God, I never wanted to hurt Him. It took me over a year to forgive myself for doing that (receive God’s forgiveness).

Well… Labor Day weekend of 2003, what I had suspected for some time was revealed. I found out my prom date had been cheating on me. My heart was crushed. I was hurt. I was angry. I was betrayed. I couldn’t understand how God would allow this to happen to me, His favorite. Cheating was a dealbreaker for me, so I packed his stuff and put him out the same day I found out. I wanted a divorce. I wanted to be done with it. I called the only person I felt safe enough to talk to, my spiritual mother. I don’t know why, but I did not expect her to tell me I couldn’t get a divorce. The bible says I can for this very reason! She reminded me that signing a divorce paper wouldn’t stop my heart from hurting and it wasn’t the will of God. I toiled with this for a long time, I just wanted out. I began to seek God. I reminded Him of what Joyce Meyer’s said – there is something in the bible to heal every place I hurt. Where is it God? Show me in your word. He took me to Jeremiah 3:1, which talks about the Israelites and how they kept committing adultery against Him and He kept taking them back. Really God? What are you saying? You said I could divorce for the sake of adultery. He then sent me to the story of Hosea and Gomer. God knew Gomer, his wife, was a prostitute and he told him to marry her. Every time she would go to sell her body God would tell him to go get her off the block. God, this ain’t right!

These conversations went on and off for days, weeks, months until he gave me yet another Rhema word, which sealed it for me. I was watching TBN and a couple was sharing about their experience with infidelity and how their marriage was stronger after it. I asked God yet again, do I have to do this? His response, you don’t have to. You can divorce and I will still bless you But if you don’t fight, your daughter will have to fight this same thing. He showed me it was a generational curse. My parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents had divorced. It was at that moment I decided divorce could no longer be an option. My daughter will have to fight some things, but she won’t have to fight divorce because I wasn’t strong enough to do it. Of course, the enemy tried to tell me what if she still goes through a divorce. My response, so what. It will be her choice, but it won’t be because her mother didn’t fight.

Did it get easier to do the work? No. It only took divorce away as an option. Now that I had made a decision to fight for my marriage, I could focus 100% of my attention on doing just that. This revelation didn’t change things between me and my husband immediately. It was a process. We ended up being separated for three years before he decided to come home. Even then, he came home because he was about to go to prison. He came home and a few weeks later turned himself in to do a 3-year prison sentence. This is where our work really began. God had our undivided attention. He began to show me who I was and who I needed to forgive. One being my father. I never knew I had unforgiveness toward my daddy, I’m a daddy’s girl. But God showed me I needed to forgive him for leaving me as a child. That brought healing to me and my father. I learned he hadn’t forgiven himself for what he did to my mother and us. From there, He taught me self-care, how to rebuild trust, and walk in the newness of life. It was several years later that God revealed to me my inability to trust others entered when my father left. If I couldn’t trust my father how could I trust anyone let alone another man? He was also working on my husband to my surprise. He was reading, seeking counseling, and ultimately earned his certificate for attending marriage counseling.

When my husband came home, it was now time to activate what we had both been learning. A rush of emotions, memories, and triggers came in like a mighty rushing wind. All of the rage and anger I had suppressed would creep up at the most inopportune times. I learned it was because I hadn’t truly forgiven my husband. God helped me to do that in a way that I no longer had negative emotions or actions tied to memories or triggers that would arise.

It was a long and winding journey, but the reward was invaluable. I finally got to the place where I could laugh about the situation and have a conversation with my husband about it without it turning into an argument. It took God, individual counseling, and couples counseling but we got there. Today, I am able to share my story with other women and help them overcome the pain of infidelity.

In May 2020 I published my story, The Pain of Infidelity Births Purpose, along with the journal, The Blueprint to Becoming Whole. December 25, 2020, my husband, Joseph, and I celebrated 25 years of marriage. The joy I have now is amazing! No more shame, guilt, or embarrassment. Freedom is beautiful! I now teach other women the 5 pillars to restoration –Forgiveness, Prayer (A Vertical Relationship), Self-care, Walking in the newness of life (Knowing who you are), and Rebuilding Trust.

Click on either book below to purchase.

Dr. Katrina Esau has nominated the following:

  1. Chavon Anette

My Advice

Two wrongs don’t make a right. Seek God. Obey. Don’t allow condemnation, guilt, or shame to keep you from healing and telling your story. Somebody’s life is dependent upon you opening your mouth. Walk in forgiveness—true forgiveness. It’s okay to trust again. Take care of yourself. Learn who you are and own it. Walk in the newness of life. There is purpose in your pain, don’t waste it.

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KE3 Worldwide Enterprises

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I share my story in a real, raw way that helps women to transform their lives and break generational curses. Transparency and compassion are my superpower.

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Women of faith hurt by infidelity. Earning 50k+, ready to invest in themselves and do the work for their healing. Organizations, Churches, Entrepreneurs or Ministries in need of a dynamic speaker for their conference, seminar or workshop catered to empower women.

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Sarah Ebner says:

Thank you Dr.Katrina for sharing this story. I so very much related to you on many levels. Especially the part about not trusting men. I will have to check out your website and books. Thank you again. Best, Sarah Ebner

Sarah, It’s my privilege. Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment. Let me know if there is anything I can answer or provide clarity as you peruse the website.

This is a great story of selfless pursuing of God, love over comfort, healing from shame, and the difficult process of forgiveness. This is such an encouragement to prioritize working to make a marriage work, even when it hurts, and the goodness that God can bring when we do that. Thank you for transparently sharing such an inspiring and encouraging story.

Staci – It is my pleasure and privilege to share and help others. Thank you for taking the time to comment. It is greatly appreciated.

Dr Katrina thank you for being completely transparent in your story of pain and forgiveness. I really love your purpose for working through the pain which was the legacy for your daughter. All too often the innocent mate takes the easy road out. But the road less traveled is one that requires hard continuous work, effort and complete forgiveness. Your story is one of empowerment along with education to teach women where to put their trust and faith and how to overcome what seems to be the impossible.

Sabrina – I’ve learned some things are worth fighting for… Thank you for taking the time to comment on my story.

cate says:

So inspiring! Such a deep and painful journey with profound reprecussions.

Thank you, Cate! Painful? Yes! As the Psalmist said, It was good that I was afflicted because it taught me His ways and gave me the relationship I have with the Father today. Thank you for taking the time to comment on my story. Blessings!

Billy Southerland says:

Wow!! What an amazing story Katrina !!Thank you so very much for taking the time to share it here!! God is so kind so good patient loving and never stops pursuing us!! Your story is such a testament to all of those things. Thank you so very much for sharing. I am deeply moved. God bless you all !! Billy

Thank you, Billy! I am eternally grateful that God never stops pursuing us… I appreciate you taking the time to comment on my story.

Gary Rogers says:

Dr. K., I’m so glad we got to know each other through a podcast we both were a part of. It’s nice to have you there as I always know you’re there to support and back me up as we share a similar faith.

Also, I wanted to say thanks for being transparent, humble and willing to share your Check Your Game story. There is no way else to explain it other than a strong faith is able to overcome a lot; especially the generational curse that you put a stop to. Though not all people may be as fortunate to save their marriage like you did, your story brings hope and encouragement. Thanks again for sharing as well as our growing friendship. G

“Strong Faith is able to I overcome a lot” sums it up quite well. I don’t know that’ll I’ll ever understand why God chose me to do such a meaningful and powerful task. There are 5 of us (siblings). He could have used any of us. Every time I ask Him about it He reminds me many are called but few are chosen. It is my sincere honor to help others suffering with infidelity through that hellacious season of their life. Thank you for allowing me to share on this platform. Dr.K

What a beautiful story of restoration. Thank you for sharing your heart so freely. I love the ministry that had come out of the painful season.

Desiree, thank you for taking time to read my story and comment. It’s an honor to be used of the Father and share with women across the world.

Thank you so much for sharing your story so openly, Dr. K. It is so powerful to see how God has redeemed your marriage and empowered you to use your own story to support other women who have experienced the same thing.

Ashlee, it is my honor and privilege to share my story with others. My prayer is other women walking this journey will find solace and comfort knowing they’re not alone. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Blessings, Dr. K.

Your story is a great reminder that forgiveness will get you far. Following the leadership of God helps with forgiveness. I’m so happy for your 25 year celebration. Thanks for leading the way & being a great teacher to those who have faced infidelity in their lives.

Dr. K,
Thank you for sharing your story. I love how God showed you all those verses to help you navigate which direction to go. I can believe you help a lot of women who experience similar experiences as you. You are a very good writer too! I was entranced by your story and your evident love and commitment to God.